Person-2-Person - March, 2022

“Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.” – Mother Teresa

If there’s one thing computers have taught us—besides patience—it’s the word “default.” The word used to mean you hadn’t paid a bill and were in jeopardy of losing your property, having your heat or electricity disconnected, etc. But more recently, the word “default” means the option that is chosen for us if we don’t choose for ourselves. For example, a computer program might insert the date as “03/01/2022” or “March 1, 2022” or something else entirely, if you don’t tell it otherwise. Whatever the computer program chooses is the “default” option.

People have defaults too. I certainly do. We react in a particular way in an unknown or trying situation. Some people automatically become angry or defensive or shut down or something else, according to the way they’re “programmed.” I confess that my default reaction in many situations—and my wife will bear me out—is “Fine!” after which I shut down and become angry. But one thing we have in common with computers is that we can be “reprogrammed.”

My sister-in-law, Valerie, Charlotte’s sister, lectured me years ago about “negative programming.” What she meant was that by telling myself negative ideas, I was predisposing myself to find negative outcomes. The theological term for “negative programming” is “sin” (Eph. 2:3, 1 John 1:8). Some might call it “human nature,” but the “good news” is that we don’t have to remain in “sin.” Our “nature” can be overcome.

Some of you have heard me admit that the stress of living with the COVID-19 pandemic has caused me to be snarkier than I normally would or to imply that someone is stupid. Often, the problem isn’t directly stress but the simple desire to be a jerk, to respond in an unkind manner. I know it frequently is for me. But I don’t want to be that person and it’s a response with which I struggle.

Former lawyer and current pastor Carey Nieuwhoff gives five ways Christians can respond to the challenges of changing culture, and they apply pretty well to other kinds of stressful situations. I’ve abbreviated and paraphrased them here: Ignore the source of stress, hide from it, lash out, look for an alternative, and adapt. (https://careynieuwhof.com/5-ways-christians-can-approach-the-rapidly-changing-moral-culture/.) It doesn’t matter what the source is, stress is still stress. In some respects, facing a saber tooth tiger isn’t really that different internally from facing a changing world or an angry customer. A perceived threat is still a threat, even if the threat is in our mind, and our instincts (i.e., “programming”) take over. Shut down (ignore/hide)? Done that. Lash out? Yep. Sounds like me, all right.

Chemists and technicians who work with toxic chemicals know there are other chemicals that can neutralize them or mitigate their harmful effects. In the same way, there are graces that can help neutralize our more toxic instincts. The first step, as in any problem, is to acknowledge that it exists. It’s tempting to simply say, “That’s the way I am,” and then do nothing. But it isn’t the way we have to remain. Having a sharp tongue or a short temper isn’t something we can’t change, especially with God’s help. Once we decide ignoring our negative, uncharitable impulses isn’t going to be good enough, we can work on changing them. For example, Patience is another spiritual gift, one with which I confess again that I struggle.

Beyond more patience, the “neutralizer” for impatience is love. John wrote that, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear;” (1 John 4:18a New Revised Standard Version). Love doesn’t look at the world in terms of threats but of opportunities. With God’s grace, our “default” can be love. Each person we meet, each situation in which we find ourselves, is an opportunity to display and share God’s love.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:4-7 NRSV.)